Struggling to Find Purpose in Life

Are you struggling to find purpose in your life? Yeah, me too!

In all seriousness, this is an area – one of the many – that I do struggle with at times and have been as of late. Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Am I living my purpose? On the outside it looks like all is well, but inside my head there are a lot of ideas being batted back and forth like ping pong balls with no clear-cut winner.

I am an analyst at heart and boy-oh-boy can I analyze the positives and negatives of each idea…over and over. Ever heard of paralysis by analysis? That can be me at times.

I’m not talking about what color to paint the bathroom or which air fryer to buy (though those decisions generally take me way longer than they should, and there’s probably an Excel spreadsheet somewhere in the decision-making process). I’m talking – what should I be doing with my life right now?

What is my life’s purpose?

Since resigning from my accountant position eighteen months ago after breaking my shoulder (not at work – accounting isn’t a particularly hazardous environment – though I didn’t realize my kitchen floor was either) my stress level has been much lower. My husband has noticed. My sister commented on it. And my blood pressure readings reflect it.

It’s not that I disliked my job. Quite the contrary, I enjoyed the mental challenges and pushing myself to learn more. Problem is, my physical body doesn’t play well with acute or chronic stress (or lack of adequate sleep) anymore. It tends to go on inflammatory overload.

So, I’ve relished being a full-time homemaker for the first time in my life. I don’t stress as much on nights when I hit the sheets and my insomnia kicks in. I possess enough energy to cook and take reasonable care of the house (hubby still does the vacuuming) whereas I frequently fell short when I was working. I was able to drill down into our finances and reconfigure things to save us some money. I love morning devotions in my prayer closet. I’ve volunteered for a couple needs at church. There is finally opportunity to create the YouTube channel my husband has been asking for to chronicle his hobby, and to write this blog. And, I’ve been blessed with two wonderful summer breaks making memories with my son and my husband (a teacher) rather than kissing them good-bye each morning and heading off from 8-5 (or so) at the office.

You’re probably thinking, “Okay – she’s found her purpose – she’s happy. The end.”

But it’s not the end. Why? Because I look around. I talk to people. I peruse the internet. And then I begin to question things. The ping pong balls start bouncing around in my brain again.

“Should I go back to work?”

For the first time in my life, I am no longer striving in a career – and I’m competitive. Other women in our family are working diligently to further their careers (and are proving very successful, I might add) while I’m bringing in zero dollars. Do I want to go back to work right now? Not yet, but…

“Do others see me as lazy? Do they think I’m incompetent? What if we run out of money? What if inflation continues to skyrocket? What if something happens with my husband’s job? What if…what if…what if….”

This is where I’m so thankful for that morning prayer and devotion time! I believe God speaks through scripture as well as through others (and as in this case, through the writers of the devotions I’m reading).

Aha!

The December 2, 2022 devotion in Our Daily B read was my most recent “aha!” moment.

The author mentioned his own struggle when he left his career in broadcasting to move to another country. Broadcasting had been his life (accounting has been mine), and he felt he’d lost his calling. His idea of purpose and success was tied to his career…until a wise Christian friend’s counsel opened his eyes. It wasn’t about his career; it was about his character.

As believers, our value in life…our purpose…isn’t (or shouldn’t be) tied to career success. Rather, what matters most is who we are and how we live our life for others. It’s so easy to lose focus of that today!

I began to mull over those in my life who have made an impact on me, including:

My grandmothers and my mother – they made it a priority (until I was a teen and stubbornly refused to listen for a while) to lead me along a Christian path – they planted seeds that I’m ever so thankful for!
A prior supervisor who led with integrity and honesty – always. She treated everyone from department directors to janitorial staff with equal respect and made a point to get to know each of us personally. Her life was a beautiful model of servant leadership.
A friend from church who has taken time over the years to send me handwritten notes of encouragement through the mail when she has learned that I’m struggling with anxiety (over a health issue, over my daughter, or even over spiritual concerns). Or, she’ll send a quick email or a text with a photo of a devotion that she knows will lift my spirits or draw me closer to the Lord.
My mother-in-law – another amazing example of Christ’s love in action. In her mid-70’s and with health issues of her own, she pours herself out for others – from making sure birthdays are properly celebrated to helping transport or care for her grandchildren (and now great-grandchildren) when their parents needed a helping hand. She gives of her time to care for other family members, accompanying them to doctor appointments, visiting with them regularly, helping them with their finances, etc. She is like the Energizer Bunny.

While these ladies all differ in their career/personal successes, they made an impact on me and others around them because of who they are. It was their character that mattered, not their station in life.

It’s hard to tune out all the voices (no, not those kind of voices) that try to convince me I must have a successful career and be financially self-sufficient in order to have worth in life.

However, the bible says:

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, and to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.
1 Timothy 6:17-18

THAT, I believe, is my purpose!

Don’t misunderstand me – I have nothing against having a career and earning income. I worked full-time outside the home for 35+ years and I may find myself there again at some point.

However, my calling…my purpose in life…where I find my worth…should have nothing to do with wealth or career success. It’s about character. It’s about living for the Lord and trusting Him for all I need. It is about loving and caring for others, following our Savior’s example. It’s about making an impact for Christ.

And knowing that helps me rest easier with where I am right now.